Agridulce Primavera ...

"Tears form in my eyes every time I think about leaving. This family has become a part of my spirit. This island has become my home, and the people have become my friends. The music, the language the food and wine have all captured a piece of me that I know will never be released. The restaurants and bars in Santa Cruz have such an enchanting aura about them that you can't help but to want to keep going back. I believe I have met the owners themselves at just about every place I frequent. They pour their hearts and souls into these places and you feel it everytime you walk in the doors.

I am currently on the gaugua (wah-wah) on my way to the airport where I'll be heading to Paris, France.  And honestly even though I am more excited than words can explain, I am also sad to have less days to spend in Tenerife with my new family. How I was blessed with such a loving and warmhearted host family is beyond me. If not anything else it just solidifies how right this trip was for me to take a chance on. They have opened their home and hearts to me and for that I will be forever grateful... I know that one day I will come back because I can't even imagine not seeing them again. 

How in the world have I been blessed with such an amazing journey?

"Soldadito Marinero"

I have this song on repeat... So beautiful, thank you to my new friend Fernando for introducing me to this band, I'm in love.

... I arrived at the airport a few hours early to ensure I had a seat, and no one is here yet. I bought myself a cafe con leche and took a seat. Still listening to this song on repeat. I want to soak up every smell and feeling I have while listening to it so that when I go home all I have to do is play it to remember everything about being here. 

I decided to name this blog "Agridulce Primavera" because this is a bittersweet Spring for me... As much as I miss my family, friends, dog, and everything familiar to me, this place has wiggled its way into my heart and made itself feel very at home, and I am going to miss it very much. 

Get Busy Living

Dedicated to all the people like the old me... full of excuses, full of fear, full of weakness.

My advice? Take every single one of your excuses and write them down... now, take that piece of paper, wad it up into a little ball and make a slam dunk into the waste basket. Seriously. If you would have asked me a year ago what I would be doing in 2014, SPAIN wouldn't have even crossed my mind. Sure, I wanted to travel...someday, But I had so much going on in my life and so many other priorities that planning a trip longer than a weekend literally never even made the to-do list. Everyone everywhere gets so caught up in their everyday life that they forget to live. Going to work Monday through Friday for 9-10 hours, sometimes much longer becomes their life. It was my life. Don't get me wrong, I loved what I did, and I was good at it. I enjoyed the fruits of my labor as much as I could, but there was an underlying sense of being trapped that I couldn't hide. Sometimes I would sit and stare out of the office window on a beautiful hot summer day and contemplate, "what am I doing in here?". Maybe its because I didn't experience college, and I had been working in office environments since I was 18 years old,  instead of enjoying summer breaks, studying abroad, and making friends and memories? Maybe it's because I have always supported myself and felt like a good job meant a good life? Which is true to a lot of people. I even still believe it's true, but it needs to be the right job, and the right time, and it shouldn't make you age any faster than our internal clocks are set to, which is what I felt was happening to me. I was watching the days and weeks pass by me so quickly that I started to panic...I needed more than a weekend to enjoy the sunshine. I needed more than 2 days to refresh my mind. I needed more free time to connect with friends and family. I needed more than a paycheck to pay my bills. I needed to live. I felt myself thinking this way more and more often until one day... I was laid of. I know I mentioned it in my first post, but honestly, the universe heard my thoughts and knew I was too scared to make the jump on my own, so it pushed me. Yes, I cried. Yes, I felt terrified. Yes, I had moments of panic, and made irrational decisions. But, I also somehow knew everything would be ok. I have a really amazing friend who literally walked me along the stages of these changes and feelings. She and I have a lot of similar views on life and the universe; and I believe we were introduced to each other for reasons much larger than what we can imagine. She encouraged me to start thinking outside the box. To open my heart and mind up to other possibilities in this world, and to pay attention to what the universe was telling me to do. (Thank you Stacy).

Once I started paying attention to the signs, everything started to make sense and lined up perfectly... The bottom line was that I wasn't too old to run away for a few months. I wasn't too broke to buy the plane tickets. I wasn't stuck because I owned a dog (who is with my amazing mom, thank you). I wasn't too chicken to go alone. I wasn't too shy to make friends. I wasn't being too irresponsible to just leave everything, because everything will be there when I get back. I wasn't being too...selfish...

The moment you realize you just have to have faith and make the leap, is the moment you really start to live. Which reminds me of a quote from the movie The Way with Martin Sheen... "When I was young I was too busy, and now that I'm old I'm too tired". No one should ever be too busy to live. I highly recommend watching this movie, it will probably give you goosebumps, maybe make you cry, but it will definitely make you want to buy a backpack and GO.

Before this trip, I was lacking passion. I would find myself searching for desire. Asking myself what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be, what impact I wanted to leave on this world, and as sad as it may sound, I kept coming up empty with no answers. I was simply just floating along day by day. Yes, I had great friends, and had some awesome weekends and did fun things, but it was floating, which was one of my biggest fears in life when I was younger. I never wanted to just BE. I wanted to LIVE and make a difference. I hadn't written anything in years, which was a huge passion of mine growing up. Now I'm keeping a daily journal again, and writing this blog. I hadn't gone outside my comfort zone, and now that I have, I am learning more about myself than I had ever imagined. I am a strong, independent woman, and although I LOVE company and conversation and friendships and I long for a everlasting relationship, I don't need to wait for them to join me me, I can go on my own.

I'm going to Paris next week, to bask in the Parisian sunshine, eat croissants, drink wine and smile. I have no expectations other than to live in the moment and enjoy what God has made possible.


"We'll have to discuss life goals over sangria in Barcelona". - Sarah.

What's next?

Before I get into the details about the 9 day long Carnival here in Santa Cruz de Tenerife, and my friend Tristan's visit... I just have to say, that I have the travel bug - Even while I sit here in Spain... But I can't for the life of me pin point just a few places I want to go with the limited time and lack of money I have to do it with. I want to go everywhere! I want to see it all. I want to take my own photos and make my own memories, EVERYWHERE. Coming to Tenerife and becoming an Au Pair was the best thing I've ever done because it literally broke me out of my shell. Yet, on the other hand it's also possibly the worst thing I could have done because it has unleashed something inside me, and I really want to see the world now that I've gotten a taste of it.

The last few days I've been thinking alot about what I want out of this experience, and what I'm going to do when I go home... and honestly as terrifying as traveling alone sounds to me, I think that's what I need to do to find out who I am and what I want. I think some people have the ability to travel alone with no problems or doubts, and I am so envious of that... then there are people like me who are awful at making decisions or plans and really like having a companion to do things with, which I don't think is a bad thing, but maybe before they find that right companion they do need to do things on their own first? I've always imagined myself finding an adventurous husband to team up and travel the world with... maybe have a couple kids, raise them right, go on family vacations, and then retire from our somewhat awesome careers and travel more. So now that this unattainable fire has been lit inside me I'm beginning to realize in order to make that happen, I have to be someone that adventurous husband will want to marry. Someone passionate, someone confident, someone in love with life and everything the world has to offer.

And, obviously waiting for this imaginary husband to travel with hasn't gotten me anywhere anyways. So, here I am. Making plans.

I'm as inexperienced as a traveler could possibly be, but, I'm going to figure it out.

<3

Becoming locals for Carnival

Lo siento! I haven't written in ages! Alot has been happening around here since I became friends with Emilie. We are always going out on our spare time and exploring the island and making new friends. It's been amazing having someone to go out with, but we do lack on practicing our Spanish together, which we really do need to do more of. That's the only way we will ever get it. It was her birthday a couple weeks ago, and we went out every night for a whole week. We made a lot of friends all around town, and even found some places that we love so much we are now regulars there. Our friends at Trattoria Da Gigi  really know how to keep us coming back! We feel more like family when we walk in there now, they even closed the restaurant down, turned out the lights, and brought Emilie a birthday desert with a candle and sang "feliz cumpleanos" to her!! Then of course they also gave us free birthday shots and cocktails, and took a million pictures with us! We love them, and keep going back because although the food really is AMAZING, the people make our experience there memorable every time.

The guy in the middle in white above is one of the Chef's and they call him "Pollo".

Another favorite of ours now is Nazar Kebab... Emilie and I walked in there by mistake one night because we thought someone she met the night before worked in there (Turned out he worked one more over), but we sat down and had some drinks and shot the sh*t with the owner and his pals. We ended up staying there for hours, drinking and laughing. By the time we left I decided we had to go back because we hadn't tried the food and the wraps they were sending out looked amazing! So the next week when my friend Tristan came to town to visit for his birthday and carnival, we went in there and instantly they remembered me, "Stephanie from CALIFORNIA!!!!" and once I introduced them to Tristan they started asking my "Loca amiga" was (Emilie got a little drunk the night we met them). Tristan and I each tried their wraps and they seriously made your taste buds dance! No joke.We drank and drank and chatted with Tako about him moving to San Diego to open up shop there! Then he said I could be his number 2 wife, and that started a whole new inside joke with them. Pedro became known as "Psycho-Pedro" because he likes the crazy ones and "Crazy loves crazy"... hahaha, and after we paid our very small tab, they kept pouring us more shots on the house with them. Seriously, amazing people. Tristan and I went back almost every night he was here. Even during carnival with thousands of people around they somehow managed to treat us like regulars and make us feel special every time. I want to put Tako in my luggage and make him come back to SD with me.

Tristan and I in front of the Kebab place...

Tako and I

AND.... Psycho-Pedro!!!  

There are a few other places that keep us coming back, but nothing like these two. In fact, since Tristan has gone home, I haven't been back, so now I'm craving a Pollo-Kebab-Wrap :-)

Out of your comfort zone...

It has never been hard for me to make new friends, or to keep my old ones... and I am lucky enough to say that I really do have some amazing friends. Leaving them to come on this journey was the hardest part of making the decision, but the thought of having a hard time making friends while I was out here never even crossed my mind.

It is now the end of my third week here in Tenerife and I finally have a girlfriend to do things with! And not for lack of not trying, because I was trying!

The first week I stayed with the family most of the time because it was so new and I didn't know anything about the island. But the second week I joined Cross-fit, started my Spanish classes and started to go out on my own. The first night I went out on my own I went to this little bar down the street called "Cervecerta Leffe". I sat alone at a table outside where everyone else was sitting, drank a very tall beer called an "Erdinger" that the waitress recommended, and people watched. I smiled at anyone who would look my way and hoped that I seemed approachable. They brought out a little dish of potato chips for a table snack, and had music videos playing on a TV they had moved outside but you couldn't hear it at all. So I sat. Sipping my Erdinger, munching on potato chips, and shifting my weight from side to side in the attempt to find a comfortable position that gave off a friendly body language vibe. At one point I got out my note pad and started to write:

"Traveling alone is either going to be the experience that brings me out of my shell, or... traveling alone will just confirm that I have a case of Social Anxiety. Sitting alone at a bar drinking a beer without a phone to even pretend to have something exciting to look at...I'm afraid of the outcome. But, at least I'm out. Alone. In Spain. On a beautiful island. People are jealous that I am free and able to travel, but I am jealous of their security and families".

I remember smiling to myself as I wrote the part about being on a beautiful island, even though I was feeling a little defeated inside. But instead of surrendering to the feeling, I finished my beer, stood up, walked into the bar, and started asking everyone in there if they spoke any English, and eventually I met someone who did, and I ended up hanging out with him and his friends the rest of the night and had a great time. I overcame the defeat. I overcame the social anxiety I was feeling. I was able to prove to myself that I do have what it takes to travel and make friends like everyone else! And since then I have gone to several other places all alone and have been able to make friends with people and enjoy their company, and earlier this week I became friends with a fellow Au Pair in my Spanish class who is from Denmark, Emilie. She is now the little sister I never had and we have lots of plans to do things together. Today we went to the Beach for both of our first times and it was so much fun. This weekend we are planning on going to the South of the island for the day to see what kind of people we can meet...and best of all - She was having the same troubles for making friends as I was, and now we have eachother.

Truth be told - The language difference hasn't been helping, but now Emilie and I can conquer it together and make some local friends while we're at it.

Cheers!

 

Lost in translation...

Being in a whole different country without knowing the language is not an easy task. I have been here for about a week and a half, and I know quite a few different random words in Spanish, but not really how to put them together to form conversation - and they aren't really words that you would have much of a conversation about... Donde esta el banjo? I can ask for directions to things, and greet people properly, but if they actually want to TALK to me, forget about it, I blush and say, "Lo siento, Hablo muy poco espanol".  At first I thought I was picking it up pretty quickly for someone who has no Spanish education to work with, but today at my first Spanish class I figured out very fast that I don't know jack. Inside my head all the words are mushing together into one big spanish-english concoction that doesn't make any sense, and when I try to pull out pieces I draw blanks. Literally. When someone is talking to me I feel like I am just staring at them with a dumbfounded look on my face at all times and when I can pull out a word that sounds familiar I let out a little smile and say "vale" which means ok. But really in my head all I can think about is how fast they are talking and keep wondering where one sentence ended and another one started. Sometimes all the words just blend together and I think they are making stuff up to see if I'm going to catch on. Jokes on them, I'll smile and nod my head all day while I'm trying to piece together the few words I recognise.

I am usually a very fast learner. However, I have never really tried to learn a language (Something I kick myself for on a regular basis, most Europeans know multiple!), and I am learning very quickly why a lot of parents start their kids so young at learning multiple languages.That way they don't have a battle in their head every time they talk trying to translate one language to another. I literally came over here with the intentions of being fluent in Spanish by the time I leave, boy was I being cocky with those expectations.

Every week I have 3 Spanish classes. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. After today, I decided I'm going to find myself a tutor to help me piece together the chaos in my head on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Between that and Cross fit - I hope and pray that I have my "Ah-Ha!!" moment.

I will not accept defeat.

The moments that change you...

Everything happens for a reason. Everything. And my experience is that most people that cross my path also believe this, and more often than not, they usually become one of those reasons for me.

I don't want to go back too far and get off topic from my life altering leap of faith I have embarked upon, but, some things leading up to it need to be pointed out. Last September 9th, 2013 I was just about to hit my 4 year mark with a great Mortgage company. They helped me grow as I worked my way up until I was finally a loan processor. I thought that was all I needed and wanted for myself... Work, make money, buy pretty new things, and eventually settle down and start a family (the last part is still in my plans - key word "eventually").  But, the industry slowed down and the company had to make cuts... and I was one of 10 to go. I cried, and I cried... Not because I was scared - I've always had a way of trusting that things will work out, and then they do - I was crying because, I reallllllllly liked the company and coworkers, and I was very comfortable. In all honestly, the first thought in my head was "you asked for this". Which, I did. Not out loud of course, but I put the thought out into the universe that I wasn't happy, and that I was feeling trapped in an office for 9+ hours a day when I hadn't even seen the world yet. The line "be careful what you ask for" comes to mind when I think about the situation... So the universe decided that I needed a push to get me going in a more satisfying direction.

And pushed I was.

Not very long before this happened I became roommates and friends with a girl a couple years younger than me. She was a nanny to two adorable kids, and was also going to school to become a teacher. Her and I hit it off instantly. We had a lot of the same qualities, common goals and interests. Her contract was about to be done with her nanny position, so she started thinking about what she wanted to do next...Renew the contract full time, and keep taking part time classes, or take on school full time to move her degree along quicker. As the time approached for her to make the decision, she was also introduced to the idea of becoming an Au Pair and traveling the world while she was still young, and had nothing holding her back. She started researching the idea, and searching for families who wanted an Au Pair who spoke English. Occasionally she would joke about me looking into doing it as well, but almost as quick as the thought was mentioned, I shut it down. I thought that it would be too crazy to drop everything and move to a strange country to live with a family and teach their children English for a few months. Leave my family and friends? Use all of my savings and retirement? The thought seemed ridiculous, and yet somehow for some reason I was intrigued. One day I started to look into it, which led me to create a profile on a Au-Pair website, and the emails started flooding in. Originally I chose Spain and Italy as my top two choices... but the more families I spoke to in both locations, the more I started to lean towards the idea of Spain.

Here I found myself, without a job, without a boyfriend, no kids, and not stuck in a rental lease. I have an amazing mom who was opened armed at the thought of me moving my things back to her house, and she even offered to watch my dog, Chico. I had nothing holding me back! So, before I really made up my mind, I started telling people that I was going to do it. I started looking at Airfare, and different locations in Spain. I started skyping with families I met on the website to see if we would be a good fit... and one day, I met the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful family of them all, I fell in love and instantly knew I was going to do this.

So here I am.